Mundane house fixture reassuring in troubled world

With all the troubles of the world, we can always be sure of a few things in life. One of the things we take for granted are doorknobs. They are invaluable.

Some of think they are only for opening doors. Where else can we hang a shirt, pants, towels, laundry, etc.? My wife keeps telling me to put things on hangers or hooks, but doorknobs are handy.

So the next time you lose faith in the world, remember you'll always have the doorknobs. Hooray for doorknobs!

(Letter published in The Maui News May 6, 2007, and Lahaina News May 10, 2007)

Avoid enemies while shopping

Some days are going to turn out badly. You go to the market, take a cart and head for one end to begin shopping. You meet a person you have disliked and avoided for years, and vice versa. You exchange embarrassed smiles and an insincere hello.

Of course, you keep crossing paths with that person when you go up and down the aisles. And the final embarrassment: You end up standing behind the person at the check stand.

Next time you shop, you might start shopping at the other end of the market. But then the person you are trying to avoid will think of doing the same thing. You can't win.

Letter published in The Maui News Aug.27, 2006, and Lahaina News Nov.9, 2006)

Give it a fancy label and shoppers pay extra

I am amazed at the gullibility of some shoppers at the market. They carefully read and compare product labels and believe what they read. Each brand claims to be new, improved or different and better than the others.

I propose a test for marketing eggs. They could be separated in different displays titled "frying eggs", "boiling eggs", and "poaching eggs". Each category would be accompanied by detailed cooking instructions and prices.

I am sure many people would pay more to get a "special" kind of eggs.

Those who believe everything they read have joined the ranks of the suckers born every minute.

(Letter published in The Maui News March 16, 2006)

Food prices depend on where you buy groceries

I met a lady shopping at the market recently. She was complaining that food prices are exorbitant on Maui. I asked her where she was from. The answer: North Platte, Nebraska.

I suggested that she should promote tourism to North Platte because food prices there are so low. I don't know if tourists will flock to North Platte because of low food prices, but I do know tourists are here despite the prices.

(Letter published in The Maui News Dec. 30, 2005, and Lahaina News Jan.5, 2005)

What will be gleaned from our garbage?

Archeologists 1000 years from now are going to study our civilization by digging through our trash. They will expect to find treasures. Instead, they will find a lot of broken refrigerators, microwaves, TVs, baby strollers, etc.

I don't know what conclusions they will make, but they will probably be disappointed. It will serve them right for digging into our trash.

(Letter published in The Maui News March 15, 2005, and Lahaina News March 24, 2005)

Reactions to Letters about Sara's Cooking

A Tip for Preserving Domestic Tranquility

"The humorous missives from a Dec.25 letter writer are always entertaining and his wife's letter Jan.3 is no exception. After 50 years of marriage, she suggested that if her husband wanted Armenian dinners he should have married an Armenian.

In the interest of preserving domestic tranquility, maybe he should work longer and harder to afford an Armenian cook."

(Letter in The Maui News Friday Jan.7, 2011 from David L. Florence, Haiku, Maui)

Husband Should Cook Dinner Himself

"Like many others on Maui, I'm sure, it has been very fun reading the tit-for-tat repartee between husband and wife regarding his longing for home-cooked Armenian dinners.

But here's my question: Rather than bemoaning the lack thereof or taking his wife's advice by doing a 50 years ago redo and marrying an Armenian, or taking the advice of an Upcountry sympathizer by working harder to afford hiring an Armenian cook, why can't the disenchanted husband cook an Armenian dinner himself - for two?"

(Letter in The Maui News Friday, Jan.14, 2011 from Mary Lawrence, Kihei, Maui)