Saturday, October 20, 2012

Don't Lose Friends Over Politics

It's a sad commentary on people's behavior at this time.

Families are fighting over this election.  Lifelong friends have broken up for good.  It's too bad there is enmity, sometimes for life.

But just think:  After the election is over, politicians will be back to socializing with each other, while you and your family have lost your friends.

Humble Blackie

(Letter published in The Maui News Oct.9, 2012 and Lahaina News October 11, 2012)

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Who tells the best lies?

It's election time again.  Politicians are promising things to us that they know are outright lies.  We, the public, know they are lies.

But we vote for the politician who tells us the most appealing lie.

We deserve what we get for being gullible again.

(Letter published in Lahaina News Sept.25, 2008 and Maui News Oct. 1, 2008)

Things have not changed.   

Maui Blackie Gadarian

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The Mirror Doesn't Lie

The only real privacy you have is when you look in the bathroom mirror the first thing in the morning.

You are able to talk to yourself without interruption.  It can't be you in that mirror.  You looked better yesterday.  Maybe it's the light.

No, that's you.  How about that wrinkle on your left cheek.  That's new.  You can't have that if you're running for office.  People notice wrinkles and that's bad.

And how about that upper lip?  It looks a little weak.  Perhaps a mustache will help.

You need to cover that balding spot.  Not good.  The voters will notice.  You have to cut those nose hairs.

You notice that your mouth has a funny tilt to it when you smile.  You have to do something about that.

Are your ears too large?  Well, you can't do anything about that.

Now you hear someone outside the door.  Your self-appraisal is over.

"Yes, dear, I'll be out in a minute."

(Letter published in The Maui News June 3, 2012 and Lahaina News June 7, 2012)

Thursday, May 24, 2012

The Story of the Whale Egg

Some years ago, I met a naive, buxom blonde at a cocktail party.  The asked me how whales reproduce.

I told her with a straight face that whales came from eggs laid in the bottom of the ocean.  She swallowed my story.

I decided that my story was too good to waste.  I constructed a believable whale egg in my shop.  It was about three feet diameter by four feet long.  It looked like any regular egg. but larger, since it would have been laid by a whale.

I placed the whale egg on display in Blackie's Bar with a pseudoscientific verification that it was an authentic item.  I thought that few people would believe the story, but I was wrong.  Some doctors, lawyers, professors and teachers believed the whale egg was real.

Later on, the buxom blonde lady bought the egg at my charity auction and had it shipped to her home in L.A.  It is now on display in her living room.  My whale egg is now part of history.

There's always someone to believe a wild story . . . isn't there?

Letter to Editor published in the Maui News April 15, 2012, and Lahaina News May 17, 2012

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Shaking Hands Can be Dangerous

Why do people shake hands?

The story is that in Medieval times, people starting shaking hands when they approached one another.  They didn't trust one another in those days, so each person extended his right hand and shook the other person's right hand to show that neither one had a knife or weapon in hand.

Of course, neither one knew what was in the left hand.

I avoid shaking hands as much as I can.  It is an ancient custom that should be stopped.  There is no modern reason for it.  Some may think it is a form of greeting.  

The only greeting that happens is that germs on our hands greet each other.

Say no to handshakes.

(Letter published May 1, 2009 in The Maui News and May 7, 2009 in Lahaina News.)

Friday, March 30, 2012

Are Fancy Meals Art or Edible?

You are sitting at your table in a restaurant. Your meal comes.

There it is: At the corner of the plate is a ball of mashed potatoes, there are peas implanted here and there. Very pretty. Next to that is group of radishes and carrots interspersed like a deck of cards. On one end is a green pepper cut length-wise and filled with a shrimp and dressing dollop.
Three trees of parsley stick out of this like a forest.

The center is a medallion of a piece of meat, surrounded by 12 olives with pimientos, all of them pierced by different colored toothpicks.

Looking at all this, the question arises: How many different hands and fingers arranged all this on the plate?

(letter published in The Maui News Nov. 12, 2011 and Lahaina News Nov.17, 2011)

Monday, March 12, 2012

Urinals for short people

This subject concerns males only.

Urinals in public toilets have caused problems because of their placement on toilet walls. Usually there are two or more urinals installed at the same level on the wall. The assumption is that all males are the same height. Not true.

Men and boys are different heights. Boys and shorter men are forced to use the toilet bowls. I contend that this is discrimination against shorter men and boys.

Since there are laws about everything else, the government should enact a law to require placing urinals at various heights.

After all, we need to provide for the health, welfare and comfort of all people . . . even short people.

(Letter published in The Maui News Oct.8, 2011 and Lahaina News Oct.13, 2011)

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Pay to Exercise?

When a person gets out of shape, he decides to do something about it outside of changing his daily habits.
He joins a health club at a big cost. He inspects all those impressive machines in the facility. He envisions himself getting healthy working all those contrivances. Evercise is what he wants.
The first day comes. He drives to the club. He frantically searches for a parking spot close to the entrance. After all, he's paying for exercising in the club. A long walk in the parking lot is not part of the curriculum.
Some people won't exercise unless they pay for it.
Letter in the Maui News Aug.28, 2011, and Lahaina News Sept. 1, 2011