The Story of the Whale Egg

Some years ago, I met a naive, buxom blonde at a cocktail party.  The asked me how whales reproduce.

I told her with a straight face that whales came from eggs laid in the bottom of the ocean.  She swallowed my story.

I decided that my story was too good to waste.  I constructed a believable whale egg in my shop.  It was about three feet diameter by four feet long.  It looked like any regular egg. but larger, since it would have been laid by a whale.

I placed the whale egg on display in Blackie's Bar with a pseudoscientific verification that it was an authentic item.  I thought that few people would believe the story, but I was wrong.  Some doctors, lawyers, professors and teachers believed the whale egg was real.

Later on, the buxom blonde lady bought the egg at my charity auction and had it shipped to her home in L.A.  It is now on display in her living room.  My whale egg is now part of history.

There's always someone to believe a wild story . . . isn't there?

Letter to Editor published in the Maui News April 15, 2012, and Lahaina News May 17, 2012

Shaking Hands Can be Dangerous

Why do people shake hands?

The story is that in Medieval times, people starting shaking hands when they approached one another.  They didn't trust one another in those days, so each person extended his right hand and shook the other person's right hand to show that neither one had a knife or weapon in hand.

Of course, neither one knew what was in the left hand.

I avoid shaking hands as much as I can.  It is an ancient custom that should be stopped.  There is no modern reason for it.  Some may think it is a form of greeting.  

The only greeting that happens is that germs on our hands greet each other.

Say no to handshakes.

(Letter published May 1, 2009 in The Maui News and May 7, 2009 in Lahaina News.)

Are Fancy Meals Art or Edible?

You are sitting at your table in a restaurant. Your meal comes.

There it is: At the corner of the plate is a ball of mashed potatoes, there are peas implanted here and there. Very pretty. Next to that is group of radishes and carrots interspersed like a deck of cards. On one end is a green pepper cut length-wise and filled with a shrimp and dressing dollop.
Three trees of parsley stick out of this like a forest.

The center is a medallion of a piece of meat, surrounded by 12 olives with pimientos, all of them pierced by different colored toothpicks.

Looking at all this, the question arises: How many different hands and fingers arranged all this on the plate?

(letter published in The Maui News Nov. 12, 2011 and Lahaina News Nov.17, 2011)

Urinals for short people

This subject concerns males only.

Urinals in public toilets have caused problems because of their placement on toilet walls. Usually there are two or more urinals installed at the same level on the wall. The assumption is that all males are the same height. Not true.

Men and boys are different heights. Boys and shorter men are forced to use the toilet bowls. I contend that this is discrimination against shorter men and boys.

Since there are laws about everything else, the government should enact a law to require placing urinals at various heights.

After all, we need to provide for the health, welfare and comfort of all people . . . even short people.


(Letter published in The Maui News Oct.8, 2011 and Lahaina News Oct.13, 2011)

Pay to Exercise?

When a person gets out of shape, he decides to do something about it outside of changing his daily habits.

He joins a health club at a big cost. He inspects all those impressive machines in the facility. He envisions himself getting healthy working all those contrivances. Evercise is what he wants.

The first day comes. He drives to the club. He frantically searches for a parking spot close to the entrance. After all, he's paying for exercising in the club. A long walk in the parking lot is not part of the curriculum.

Some people won't exercise unless they pay for it.

Letter in the Maui News Aug.28, 2011, and Lahaina News Sept. 1, 2011

Stop Server Abuse

We were at a restaurant having dinner recently with friends. A nearby table had a noisy group of people who were having fun singing Christmas carols. They were also very demanding on the waitress. They finally left singing and dancing out of the restaurant.

I'm sure they paid a large check. the waitress continued working at the other tables. Our friend noticed that she was in tears. He asked her what happened.

She told him that the group left no tip. Nothing at all. Our friend felt so sympathetic that he gave her an extra tip to compensate for that unthinking bunch of people. Those people were Americans.

According to a recent report, almost 3,000 workers in Maui county have their primary occupation working as a waiter or waitress. This does not include the many workers who work second jobs in this occupation and depend upon tips for subsistence.

Stop server abuse - tip generously!

Blackie Gadarian

(Letter published in Maui News Dec.14, 2011, and Lahaina News Dec. 22, 2011

Haircuts at Sea

I was on the aircraft carrier Nassau during World War II. It was a smaller carrier, called a jeep carrier. On a ship of 900 men there were no barbers. No one volunteered.

Our executive officer made a rule: anyone put on report for a wrongdoing would have to be the ship's barber for a month. Each month's barber had a different version of what a haircut should be. They were even ruining my butch haircut.

The sailors could hardly wait to go ashore to get a decent haircut. . . among other things.