Don't Lose Friends Over Politics

It's a sad commentary on people's behavior at this time.

Families are fighting over this election.  Lifelong friends have broken up for good.  It's too bad there is enmity, sometimes for life.

But just think:  After the election is over, politicians will be back to socializing with each other, while you and your family have lost your friends.

Humble Blackie

(Letter published in The Maui News Oct.9, 2012 and Lahaina News October 11, 2012)

Who tells the best lies?

It's election time again.  Politicians are promising things to us that they know are outright lies.  We, the public, know they are lies.

But we vote for the politician who tells us the most appealing lie.

We deserve what we get for being gullible again.

(Letter published in Lahaina News Sept.25, 2008 and Maui News Oct. 1, 2008)

Things have not changed.   

Maui Blackie Gadarian

The Mirror Doesn't Lie

The only real privacy you have is when you look in the bathroom mirror the first thing in the morning.

You are able to talk to yourself without interruption.  It can't be you in that mirror.  You looked better yesterday.  Maybe it's the light.

No, that's you.  How about that wrinkle on your left cheek.  That's new.  You can't have that if you're running for office.  People notice wrinkles and that's bad.

And how about that upper lip?  It looks a little weak.  Perhaps a mustache will help.

You need to cover that balding spot.  Not good.  The voters will notice.  You have to cut those nose hairs.

You notice that your mouth has a funny tilt to it when you smile.  You have to do something about that.

Are your ears too large?  Well, you can't do anything about that.

Now you hear someone outside the door.  Your self-appraisal is over.

"Yes, dear, I'll be out in a minute."


(Letter published in The Maui News June 3, 2012 and Lahaina News June 7, 2012)

The Story of the Whale Egg

Some years ago, I met a naive, buxom blonde at a cocktail party.  The asked me how whales reproduce.

I told her with a straight face that whales came from eggs laid in the bottom of the ocean.  She swallowed my story.

I decided that my story was too good to waste.  I constructed a believable whale egg in my shop.  It was about three feet diameter by four feet long.  It looked like any regular egg. but larger, since it would have been laid by a whale.

I placed the whale egg on display in Blackie's Bar with a pseudoscientific verification that it was an authentic item.  I thought that few people would believe the story, but I was wrong.  Some doctors, lawyers, professors and teachers believed the whale egg was real.

Later on, the buxom blonde lady bought the egg at my charity auction and had it shipped to her home in L.A.  It is now on display in her living room.  My whale egg is now part of history.

There's always someone to believe a wild story . . . isn't there?

Letter to Editor published in the Maui News April 15, 2012, and Lahaina News May 17, 2012

Shaking Hands Can be Dangerous

Why do people shake hands?

The story is that in Medieval times, people starting shaking hands when they approached one another.  They didn't trust one another in those days, so each person extended his right hand and shook the other person's right hand to show that neither one had a knife or weapon in hand.

Of course, neither one knew what was in the left hand.

I avoid shaking hands as much as I can.  It is an ancient custom that should be stopped.  There is no modern reason for it.  Some may think it is a form of greeting.  

The only greeting that happens is that germs on our hands greet each other.

Say no to handshakes.

(Letter published May 1, 2009 in The Maui News and May 7, 2009 in Lahaina News.)

Are Fancy Meals Art or Edible?

You are sitting at your table in a restaurant. Your meal comes.

There it is: At the corner of the plate is a ball of mashed potatoes, there are peas implanted here and there. Very pretty. Next to that is group of radishes and carrots interspersed like a deck of cards. On one end is a green pepper cut length-wise and filled with a shrimp and dressing dollop.
Three trees of parsley stick out of this like a forest.

The center is a medallion of a piece of meat, surrounded by 12 olives with pimientos, all of them pierced by different colored toothpicks.

Looking at all this, the question arises: How many different hands and fingers arranged all this on the plate?

(letter published in The Maui News Nov. 12, 2011 and Lahaina News Nov.17, 2011)

Urinals for short people

This subject concerns males only.

Urinals in public toilets have caused problems because of their placement on toilet walls. Usually there are two or more urinals installed at the same level on the wall. The assumption is that all males are the same height. Not true.

Men and boys are different heights. Boys and shorter men are forced to use the toilet bowls. I contend that this is discrimination against shorter men and boys.

Since there are laws about everything else, the government should enact a law to require placing urinals at various heights.

After all, we need to provide for the health, welfare and comfort of all people . . . even short people.


(Letter published in The Maui News Oct.8, 2011 and Lahaina News Oct.13, 2011)

Pay to Exercise?

When a person gets out of shape, he decides to do something about it outside of changing his daily habits.

He joins a health club at a big cost. He inspects all those impressive machines in the facility. He envisions himself getting healthy working all those contrivances. Evercise is what he wants.

The first day comes. He drives to the club. He frantically searches for a parking spot close to the entrance. After all, he's paying for exercising in the club. A long walk in the parking lot is not part of the curriculum.

Some people won't exercise unless they pay for it.

Letter in the Maui News Aug.28, 2011, and Lahaina News Sept. 1, 2011

Stop Server Abuse

We were at a restaurant having dinner recently with friends. A nearby table had a noisy group of people who were having fun singing Christmas carols. They were also very demanding on the waitress. They finally left singing and dancing out of the restaurant.

I'm sure they paid a large check. the waitress continued working at the other tables. Our friend noticed that she was in tears. He asked her what happened.

She told him that the group left no tip. Nothing at all. Our friend felt so sympathetic that he gave her an extra tip to compensate for that unthinking bunch of people. Those people were Americans.

According to a recent report, almost 3,000 workers in Maui county have their primary occupation working as a waiter or waitress. This does not include the many workers who work second jobs in this occupation and depend upon tips for subsistence.

Stop server abuse - tip generously!

Blackie Gadarian

(Letter published in Maui News Dec.14, 2011, and Lahaina News Dec. 22, 2011

Strollers a nuisance on planes

Some of us have noticed modern-day baby strollers at the airport or various public places. Baby strollers are getting as large as Volkswagens. They seem to be large enough to have stereos, auto-bottle feeders, cell phones, diaper containers, toy boxes and room for a friend.

We can live with them most of the time, except when frantic parents find out the stroller won't fit in an airplane. They clog the entrance to the plane, then end up stuffing the content of the stroller in the compartment over our heads. It's like stuffing a marshmallow into a ketchup bottle.

My solution: have certain airplanes for adults only. I'll even pay extra for that.

(Letter published in the Maui News March 22, 2010 and Lahaina News March 25, 2010)

Nothing is Free

We are all aware that airlines are charging for any little service that was previously offered free.

Of course, hotels are doing it also.

As far as I know, restaurants haven't started charging for napkins yet. But they will.

The crowning blow was while traveling, I ordered my favorite drink, vodka on ice, at a hotel bar. They charged me $1 more for the ice.

It's more than a drinking man can bear.

Blackie Gadarian
(Letter published in the Maui News Aug.13, 2011, and Lahaina News Aug. 18, 2011)

Fancy signs, dim lighting can lead to confusion

As we get older, little things become large obstacles when we go out for dining or cocktails.

The doors leading to the men's and women's restrooms were obvious in the past. But now artists have exhibited their talents by making the doors works of art rather than simple signs.

Then the entrance is in a dim light as well. After a meal or drink, barging into the restroom can be embarrassing.

Ladies, if you find me in the wrong place, it's not my fault. I say, "When you gotta go, you gotta go."

Blackie Gadarian.
(Letter published in The Maui News July 22, 2011 and Lahaina News July 28, 2011.)

Why are things always stuck together?

It happens all the time. You reach into the closet for a clothes hanger. Instead of one, you get a bunch stuck together. There they are, stuck on clothing or in a clump on the floor.

Then you go to the market. You take a shopping cart. But the cart is stuck to one or two other carts.

You might imagine that clothes hangers and shopping carts stick together as they do because they are mating.

Blackie Gadarian -
(Letter published in The Maui News June 10, 2010)

Tired of Whiny Guests

Here on Maui, we are usually happy to have friends and relatives visit - until we meet them for lunch.

All we hear from them are complaints about the trip, such as: "They changed our seats." "They refused to put my stroller on the plane." "The food was awful." "The flight was late." "They lost our baggage."

We have to endure these stories because we think they are buying lunch. Instead, we get stuck with the check.

It seems people fly over here just to have us suffer listening to their tales of suffering.

Blackie Gadarian - Lahaina

(Letter published in The Maui News July 5, 2011, and Lahaina News July 14, 2011)

Live for Today

Many reports I hear on TV are meant to cause me concern.

Social Security will be broke in 2025. Medicare will be broke in 2021. Polar ice will melt by 2030 and the world will be under water.

There is nothing I can do about it since I'm almost 90 years old.

I won't be here.

I'm living for today. How about you?

(Letter published in The Maui News June 4, 2011, and Lahaina News June 9, 2011

No Shortage of Lawyers

Everyone living on Maui must put up with shortages. We realize we live on an island. We are supplied with almost everything from elsewhere. We have to depend on Honolulu and the Mainland for many services and necessities.

It's refreshing to know that it only takes a local call to get a lawyer. We are blessed with having 58 pages of them listed in the phone book.

We don't have to import lawyers as we do everything else. So if you need one, take your pick.

(Letter published in The Maui News April 25, 2011, and Lahaina News April 28, 2011)

What's inside is what matters

Through the years, men have changed their hair to have various styles. The fashion has gone from crew cuts to long hair to no hair.

Mustaches have been around a long time, even though some say a mustache hides a weak upper lip.

Currently, various types of beards are in fashion. Most are adornments. Many take a lot of care.

Some say beards are worn to make you appear knowledgeable and learned. Other tailored beards are to make you look upscale. Sloppy beards are just sloppy.

My view is that it doesn't matter how you groom your head - it's what's inside your head that counts.


(Letter published in The Maui News March 21, 2011 and Lahaina News March 24, 2011)

What can you say?

How often do married men hear their wives make statements such as, "You're not going to do that, are you?"

Or "You aren't going to wear that again, are you?"

Or "You're not going to make a fool of yourself again, are you?"

Any answer to those questions would provoke an argument.

There must be something we can say . . . but what?

(Letter in The Maui News Aug.16, 2007, and Lahaina News Aug.23, 2007)

On Aug.19,2007, David Olsten of Wailuku wrote the following:

This is a response to Blackie Gadarian's August 16 letter:
Blackie, the answer is "Yes, dear".

Who guards the guards?

These days we see more and more security guards, store guards, airport guards, border guards, school guards, etc. are being employed by industry and government.

It seems that eventually half of the citizens will have jobs watching the other half. Who is guarding all those guards?

(Letter published in The Maui News July 4, 2007, and Lahaina News July 26, 2007)

What is "homemade"?

There's always a day when you decide to go out to a restaurant instead of eating at home.

When you look at a menu, you invariably see offerings such as "homemade meat loaf", "home fries", homemade soup", "homemade apple pie", etc.

This brings up questions: What really is "homemade" food? And why did you go out to eat when "homemade" is at home?

(Letter published in The Maui News June 19, 2007 and Lahaina News July 5, 2007)