The Mirror Doesn't Lie

The only real privacy you have is when you look in the bathroom mirror the first thing in the morning.

You are able to talk to yourself without interruption.  It can't be you in that mirror.  You looked better yesterday.  Maybe it's the light.

No, that's you.  How about that wrinkle on your left cheek.  That's new.  You can't have that if you're running for office.  People notice wrinkles and that's bad.

And how about that upper lip?  It looks a little weak.  Perhaps a mustache will help.

You need to cover that balding spot.  Not good.  The voters will notice.  You have to cut those nose hairs.

You notice that your mouth has a funny tilt to it when you smile.  You have to do something about that.

Are your ears too large?  Well, you can't do anything about that.

Now you hear someone outside the door.  Your self-appraisal is over.

"Yes, dear, I'll be out in a minute."


(Letter published in The Maui News June 3, 2012 and Lahaina News June 7, 2012)